Your Declaration of Independence

June 17, 2014

The Emotionally Healthy Individual

Often, for many of us, there comes a time when you finally decide that the blame, shame and emotional manipulation you were exposed to from your family of origin’s conditioned treatment of you is an invisible bridle of negative emotion that has previously been the primary connection of them with you. And you want to be free.

You can be! Each of us is free to assume personal independence of a separate and equal position to the family of origin and those who previously had power over us as we grew up. The sacred spirit that lives within each person is entitled to be treated with respect and honor by others, even if different from them, so long as their behavior doesn’t involve physical, emotional or spiritual damage to another. Each of us has the freedom to live life as one chooses to live, with full expression of our soul. When this support is not forthcoming from your family and their interpersonal communication is instead filled with judgment, blame, shame, and/or disrespect you can choose to leave those negative ties behind and move forward into the life you desire.

When the family obstructs the opportunity for your growth, you can still move to the highest expression of self. The direction of your life is our choice and we all deserve common decency including support, love, kindness and humanity during our life-journey. If your family of origin chronically undermines these inherent individual rights, and is still striving to maintain its previous dysfunction at your personal expense, the obligation of the healthy individual is to change their participation in the interpersonal dynamics of the family or, if necessary, to abolish the negativity binding them to the family by declaring their personal independence.

The negative ties that we are raised in which bind us include:

  • A family that sabotages personal growth through undermining tactics.
  • When the family refutes or refuses to address matters of personal importance respectfully and with integrity.
  • When your family refuses to allow you to honor your path and desire to live life on your terms.
  • When your family’s attempts at control included personal attacks, withdrawal, ostracizing, and emotional manipulation of you.
  • If your family forms subgroups with the intention of creating a dysfunctional alliance to criticize you, your growth, or direction.
  • When the family creates (recruits) a gossip circle that disparages or attempts to emotionally damage you both directly or indirectly.
  • When the family of origin uses criticism, complaints, blame and shame as the normal methods of family interaction.

Living a life of positive intention presents opportunities for change, growth, and to discuss and resolve obstructions to emotional connection. Yet, when your repeated requests to communicate and create a resolution to these concerns are answered either by repeated silence or upon the reliance of the above methods, the family of origin has defined itself as dysfunctional and unhealthy. When a family is unable to resolve items of concern in an emotionally healthy manner the individual must distance themselves from dysfunction until such time (it it ever occurs) that the family is open to connection from a new place.

When appeals to your families’ magnanimity are ignored, or when attempts to improve the situation are met by reproach, or when attempts to resolve issues of importance will not be addressed, the individual’s emotional well-being demands to break ties with the old while simultaneously remaining open to connection in a new and humanistic manner. As the protector of your sacred spirit, you can declare today that you are now free and independent- absolved from all unhealthy allegiance to the family of origin. Further, all dysfunctional emotional connection from the past is to be totally dissolved as you claim the full power to exercise your right to be yourself without regard to the judgment, blame, disregard, disrespect or the other negative tools of my family of origin.

In this declaration I take responsibility for my personal success and failure from this moment on.