The problem with winning the rat race is you have to be a rat to win.
Many clients of ours ask what career is right for me? There’s no “one answer fits all!” But, here’s a simple truth- we can change the quality of our lives by asking ourselves important questions that will help us consciously choose the direction that our life moves towards. We all have life questions that we want to answer and these answers will provide our personal road map to the secret to success-on our terms. How can I be happier? Am I in the “right” job? Why am I depressed? How do I change my life? Can I attract abundance into my life? How can I lose weight? Will I ever have love in my life? Each of these questions revolves around creating your best life and discovering the answers that are already inside you.
So, that is one secret to success. You can be living a life with abundance in your health, relationship, and finances and this life starts by asking the important questions we must ask ourselves to create the life of our dreams. Sometimes, when you’re scratching your head searching for answers, well everything seems like a secret that someone else knows. That’s only true because in this moment the experience that you desire is presently beyond what you’ve experienced. And, because the experience is unknown to you, you believe you will never have those important things in your life, and you think that we can’t learn it.
Living a life you love is not “un-learnable.” Each of us lives in a present state of awareness that simply does not allow us to see all that is available in this moment. As we grow in consciousness we learn that a better life is always available~ to every one of us.
When I asked myself these questions, I started to create a full life. For me this consists of developing my mind, expanding my consciousness, and developing a sense of awareness separate from the crap and nonsense society dictates as “right” even though we can see the negative results of this societal influence everyday. I refuse to live as the Emperor from the fable “The Emperor’s New Clothes!” I don’t believe in the things advertisers try to sell as important in life, I believe that the corprocrats are out for themselves, and I certainly don’t believe the majority of politicians is working hard for the people.
What I have found true is that if you don’t ask yourself these important questions, your life kind of drifts along or you will live under the cloud of “should.” That’s when you’re vulnerable to being “sold a bill of goods” as some short-term solution to your pain and short-term solutions NEVER works and that’s a life-sucking, vitality-draining, empty place to live.
Living consciously is a choice that is independent of wealth, status, or religion. It’s an independent and personal journey to discover your path and must be consciously undertaken because society does not encourage this type of growth.
Heck, it is immensely challenging to maintain a state of consciousness when you are dealing with the negative vibes put out in the world to meet the needs of the lowest common denominator whether presented by the media, others, or even your own thoughts.
We all have our own personal challenges on how to grow in awareness and consciousness. Over the last 20+ years as part of my graduate degree in psychology and out of personal interest, I researched and discovered what truly helps people to live an abundant and fulfilling life. It’s not the load of garbage that is sold to you! And, the answers to the questions that make a better life are certainly not what society tells you is a viable path. The answer- (your truth) is always found in you and these come from the life lessons you experience- even those we call negative. These lessons provide the opportunity for personal growth. This positive energy is not something measurable by today’s standards—but this energy exists nonetheless.
Here’s a couple of guidelines to help you get started on your path:
Rule #1 You can’t create abundance idly standing by hoping to “attract” good into your life-no matter what the authors of books like The Secret tell you. Look around you, despite all the recent hype about attracting this hasn’t worked for a majority of the people who tried it- because they haven’t found their truth first.
Rule #2 Life is action. But, not chaotic, massive action in the hope that something, anything sticks. It’s action based on your intuitive knowing about what is right for you. And, this intuitive knowing is something you develop through the questions you ask yourself and by learning to honor your inner health.
Remember the hype about the movie The Secret. Ask yourself this question-Is there something wrong with you because you didn’t “succeed” at the “law” of attraction? Did any of your friends become millionaires watching the movie? Of course not. So the problem is not solved from the outside in, otherwise everyone would have done so. Success begins with the belief system of the person.
Some others believe that the rational mind is the sole arbiter of good decisions-that you can “think” you’re way into a better life. But, research dispels this notion as well– the idea of living your best life only using your rational mind for a fulfilling life leaves gaping holes in your experience of the world. This system ignores your heart center and emotional intelligence. So that approach is ineffective as well.
The centered way, the method I describe as Practical Spirituality forms the basis of my book Becoming Conscious. Within the book there are tools to assist you in developing a healthy, fun, abundant life by taking the inspired actions that resonate with your truth.
To live a fulfilling, abundant, and joyful life requires continually learning new skills, questioning beliefs, and living a life filled with consciousness, gratitude and awareness. There are many tools available to discover your path. For some, radical forgiveness is the path. For others, using positive psychology, behavioral therapy, or a personal growth plan can change their life. Still others will connect through meditation and some others will be moved by the powerful forces of inspiration or desperation. You can use every experience to grow as a person, and couples can learn to create the relationship of their dreams by embracing both awareness and consciousness. Even dysfunctional family systems can shift by changing the energy invested into the relationship, and businesses can make radical shifts into connections with the customers when relationships are coherent with personal values and represent the truth of each.
Are you working on getting out of depression or stopping self-sabotaging behaviors? Are you a person that suffers from social anxiety? Does that mean that there’s something “wrong” with you or are you just getting a life lesson to live by? Either choice is true based upon your internal belief system.
What if you are a person who is not motivated by money, but is motivated by acts of kindness? Are you into alternative health? Do you feel yourself living outside of societies expectations? What is your truth? What is your perception of the situation?
We can be our harshest critics—that’s why it’s beneficial to work with a coach, counselor, therapist, and someone who can help you ground yourself in a more effective perception of the world. Your perceptions create your reality but perceptions are malleable! It’s time to change them to a more effective paradigm!
Each of us is born with intuitive knowledge about what is right for us- which is our personal secret of success, but the ability to connect with this insight is “schooled” out of us when we were young. We must reclaim it, but how? To reclaim your authentic self you must question every self-limiting belief you have and then determine whether these beliefs are useful for creating a life filled with love, vitality, and balance– the life you want to live. If they’re not supporting and empowering you, then you must get rid of them. When I have asked myself these questions I found some beliefs empowered my life and many did not. I threw out ineffective methods I had been taught and started from scratch.
This was really a challenge because I’ve had different types of “success” as defined by society. At one point, I was “worth” millions. When the financial markets collapsed many assets were diminished. But wait! I’m the same person before and after was I “worth” more because of a couple zeros on a bank account? One day I was “worth” millions and a few months later, less. Wow, that’s a powerful lesson around success and judgment! And, despite having some prior relationship success, it took a complete review of my beliefs to create the love and deep connection I now share with my wife. That was some lesson on connection and facing fear of abandonment.
Rule #3 If you allow your worth to be extrinsically determined by others that is a sure path to dissatisfaction, lack of abundance, and your personal hell.
Our experiences of both “success” and “failure” are just how we learn about ourselves and how we grow. In Nicole’s and my practice, our lives, and our family, we don’t classify these experiences as either success or failure. We view them as learning opportunities. Each of these experiences provides incredible lessons that eventually taught me to define success as I see it, not what some external source defined and put on to me.
Our clients, as well as professional athletes, CEOs, athletes, performers, and individuals must deal with similar types of external judgment of their worth. A large part of your happiness in life comes from being able to move beyond others’ perceptions of you to create your life, in your way. Often, what separates out the ability of people to have true abundance in their life is to learn the lessons presented to them, while simultaneously dealing with the people who are criticizing and judging them.
How do you notice if you’ve learned a lesson? Well, let’s look at relationships for an example. Do you notice any recurring patterns around relationships in your life? Are you constantly experiencing dysfunction, conflict, or arguing about the same types of issues? There’s a lesson being presented to you that you are resistant to learning. Nicole and I have a new book just out called Start Loving that details lessons and shifts that are needed to have the relationship of your dreams.
Have you ever asked yourself if you even believe it’s possible for you to achieve balance and abundance in your life? Will you allow yourself to enjoy true financial success while you are living the life of your dreams? For this type of life to manifest, you first have to believe that it is possible. Many people carry subconscious beliefs about themselves that will never allow abundance. For you to experience more in your life the first shift occurs within you.
Let’s face it, it’s not as easy as some people suggest—that you discover some attraction secret and then simply model somebody else’s success to ensure your success. Wish it was that easy, but the results speak for themselves. It’s not and never will be otherwise everyone would be doing it!
Does that approach seem like it’s going to work? You can model behaviors and systems but you can never model the internal drive and thinking processes of a singular person. If you could, there would have been a hundred Steve Jobs or Vince Lombardi’s. There aren’t. However, you can model the systems used to increase your effectiveness. You can change your practice schedules, marketing, manufacturing process, and other components to increase the efficacy of your plan-but you’ve got to have a plan. Your plan must come from your center. Living a life of health, vitality, and financial success requires personal growth and self-knowledge. You have more than enough skills, determination, and personal power. Now, you get to choose whether you will make the shift towards your goals.
Defining success for yourself frees a person of a tremendous burden. It frees you from the invisible bridle that has been holding you back. When you take this step, you begin changing your approach to the world and you begin to experience abundance in all ways. Helping your dreams to manifest has become a part of my life–I absolutely know that working with people to help them achieve their dreams brings abundance into my life in all ways.