January 21, 2012

Why am I Unhappy? How You Create the 7 Steps to a Living Hell

Are you frustrated with life, feeling depressed or living in a sub-optimal way?

If so, ask yourself the following:

  1. Are you unconsciously repeating the seven steps to depression, unhappiness & dissatisfaction so that you never live the life that you want?
  2. Are you just living life from the subconscious programming you’re accustomed to and then expecting something more?
  3. Are you internally blocking the experience of a good life do to your behaviors, thoughts and beliefs?
  4. Are you angry that others don’t invest their lives to “make” you happy?

Positive motivation wears off. Extrinsic rewards wear off too. And, there’s not a lot of clear information written about how people stay in the same place subconsciously that will guarantee their unhappiness or misery. Yet, the subconscious beliefs powering your life are powerful contributors to the experience you’re creating right now.

Why? That’s where the saying “thoughts equal things” comes from. But they don’t tell you that it’s not your conscious thoughts- the thoughts you’re aware of that drive you, it’s your unconscious thoughts, the ones that you never really know, that help to create your unhappiness.

Because these seven steps have become so ingrained in your personality, personal beliefs, and subconscious that you don’t believe there is any other way to exist. That makes these beliefs both dangerous and self-sustaining. If you knew that the unconscious thoughts were the true drivers in your life and understood how they were substantially contributing to your unhappy experience of life -you would strive to change them. However, when these thoughts lurk silent and unexposed they remain powerful influences on your life until you reveal and change them.

So to help see if these thoughts are in your life, ask yourself if you are following the steps below. These are the steps guaranteed to present the experience of unhappiness in your life

  • Step 1. Blame everybody else and everything else in your past for why you are unhappy today. Justify that feeling by constantly emphasizing all of the bad experiences you had in your past that in this moment are making you sad, angry, frustrated or any other feeling which diffuses your vitality and life energy. This way you will distance yourself from the responsibility to move forward in life today. This works exceptionally well as an excuse because you can always justify today (and tomorrow) why you are unhappy and miserable. You choose to ignore the truth that your interpretation of these events is completely under your control. There is a positive lesson even in the most unpleasant experiences. You reject life lessons, repeating them endlessly rather than choosing to learn the lesson and move forward and leave the experience in the past.
  • Step 2. Look for the bad in everything. Look for the worst in people. Find the worst news on TV and watch it over and over and over again. Gossip with your friends and neighbors about other people. Look for rumors and innuendo and spread them. Commiserate with other like-minded people in a great circle of misery and compare “war stories” about how bad your life is and who made it this way and why you hate them.
  • Step 3. Hold onto anger and resentment and frustration at all costs. Give them all of your energy so that there is nothing positive to hold onto during the day. Find ways to reinforce all the mis-treatment you have suffered and continue to focus on that. Let the beauty of life that exists in this moment be wiped out by experiences from your past or worries about your future.
  • Step 4. Cultivate dysfunctional coping behaviors to hide from your emotions, rather than going through the sometimes unpleasant experiences of feeling unworthy, unloved, unimportant or any other human experience. Cover them up with short-term, stopgap, state changing measures, even if these measures detract from your health and ability to experience a good life.
  • Step 5. Try to fill your emotional holes with other relationships at all costs. Chase relationships that are unhealthy for you. Stay in relationships that are damaging to you psychologically, emotionally, and/or physically. Then blame the other person for being who they are. Keep trying to change them and put all your energy into looking for external “solutions” to your situation. This effectively stops you from taking responsibility for yourself and moving forward in life. This goes very well with step 4 of continuing dysfunctional coping behaviors. The longer you do this the longer you ensure you’re miserable- so this is a very powerful step in maintaining misery.
  • Step 6. Make sure you compare yourself every day with somebody who has more money, is in better shape, is prettier or more handsome, and is more “successful” in every single way then you are. Make sure that you put yourself down constantly through this comparison. This ensures that this selective comparison will absolutely do it’s job -and keep you in misery. Again, this serves a purpose. It stops us from taking action. Taking action from our heart-center is how we change our lives. If we are distracted by either comparison or this selective perspective of the world we feel that we are powerless and when we feel that we are powerless we use that as an excuse not to change.
  • Step 7. Invite a spiral of dysfunction is your life. Make sure that you have negative thoughts that go unchallenged. Make sure that you take dysfunctional coping behaviors every day. Continue to ruminate every minute about all the misgivings and mistakes you made in life. Keep asking yourself why does this always happen to you? Make sure you haven’t missed blaming anybody. Make sure you pass the buck and never take personal responsibility for changing your life. Make sure you feed your anger and frustration every day and make sure that you push yourself to stay in the most toxic environment you can find. Find more toxic friends to stay with. Put yourself in more toxic environments, eat toxic food, take toxic actions, and then blame somebody else for you for what you’re doing. It’s perfect.
  • Bonus Steps: make sure that you constantly reinforce the idea that your current view of the world is the only truth that exists. Do not allow the possibility into your life that there are other more powerful and empowering belief systems and more empowering ways to look at the world. Never question your own beliefs and perceptions- especially if they are contrary to what you’re experiencing right now. Believe that your experience is the “only experience” and then live from this place as if it was the ultimate truth.

Then, finally make sure that you are completely affected by everybody’s opinion of you. Make sure that you live your life like a flag lolling back and forth in the breeze blowing this way and that depending on the latest criticism, critique, or comments about you. Care more about their view of you then your view of yourself. Give up your personal integrity and try to appease everybody in every way. This will ensure that your very valid needs are completely forgotten about and this gives you something else to complain about.

Following the above steps guarantees a life of misery and pain. If you are ready to step out of living a miserable life, read the book The 5 Laws of Conscious Living and stop living a life that is a shadow of what it could be. The steps listed above are what most people have been taught to do in life. Even though the results show that it’s not working. You can choose to live a different life!

When you are ready to take control of your life you don’t have to wait. It’s the difference between 4:00 o’clock and 4:01.

You can spend your whole life waiting for that miraculous minute to show up before you change and all the time that opportunity, that 1 min. of change that is the catalyst for a different experience of life, was in your control -just waiting for you to make a shift. Change is in your power, when will it finally be the right time for you?

Rule #1. You allow the experience of happiness to permeate through you by focusing on gratitude and awareness in this moment.

Don Nenninger

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